Shape Shifters

The shape shifters I speak of are the ones that pull up to the ATM etc. and try to reach the panel but are either too far away or are like me and have short arms. My favorite part about this are those few wizards that push against the door with their arm fully extended like they are magically going to be able to partially pass through the hard plastic and steel and reach the elusive ATM. There are usually a few tries at this before a look is given at the door like it is the door's fault for not changing its molecular make up for this futile attempt.
Even worse is that I actually sit there and watch hoping that this person in front of me is able to pull this physics experiment off.

What I would really like to see is the expression on someone's face when they are actually able to pull this off.

Do or do not, there is no try. (Yoda)

Coffee Shop Meltdown

Well I have been trying hard to figure out how to allow whomever reads this sad rant of mine understand and feel my pain. Picture me, the object of patience, the only person at the counter at my favorite coffee shop. I had actually gotten up a bit early this morning just to be able to get my favorite coffee and get to work. The sweet elixir that I so enjoy, is already being whipped up by the barista that knows me and usually gets my order started before I reach the front door. The smells and the sounds of my lovely beverage are proving to be Pavlovian.
This is when it happens; as you would expect since I am writing about it. It starts with these two beautiful people; you know who you are. Those people that think that there are two time continua theirs and everyone else. Oh, they start by going to the side of the counter; brimming with confidence wearing their perfect hair. This was tolerable until they started talking to the help. Talking to the only person working the coffee bar. This is when their world and ours mingles. I have noticed that this only happens when they want something, or one or both of our kind are drunk as hell and still want something. Anyway, both the female and male beauties and the barista have some small talk about their flip flops or something. It just sounds like WAWAWA "peanuts" talk to me. My normal 1.12 minute wait turns into well over 5.27 minutes. Finally, barista is able to phase into my parallel time line and see that I about to hit my flash point. She begins to pour and is pulled back into the land of the lovelies. This adds an additional 1.1 minutes of "Linus and Lucy" and she finally breaks free again after a laugh and a hair flip. She steps back into ugly and brings me the coffee from the mountain, places it in my wretched hands; which is when I depart the common man.

This only actually took 1.1 minutes due to the rip in time from glam to sham.

Kisses,

Me

Lost and Dumb Found

You never think you are going to come across a 14 year old little girl in the back country of the Rocky Mountains until it happens to you. Not only 14 years old, but with no adult, no food, no water, and high altitude sickness impending. She was obviously tired and probably getting cold/hypothermic due to the rain and dropping temperature.

The only question she had of us was not of aiding her in her deadly search for her family, or food and water. She simply asked, "Are you guys Christians?" The answer was obvious to me; in my head anyway. I actually had to think about the question, not because I was questioning my Jewish upbringing, but because of the shock that this was her top priority. I looked at my friend with that funny tilty head thing that dogs sometimes do. I wasn't sure if she was asking because she was going to run off if I told her that I was not a Christian or if she was taking a survey during her last day on earth. Luckily the guy I was backpacking with was a Christian which must have trumped my Red Sea Pedestrian background making it alright to be rescued and not left to die or be sacrificed at the hands of the Pagan Jew.

Damn, foiled again!