Never underestimate the adventures you can have in "Big A" (Amarillo) on spring break.
I motored up to Amarillo on Saturday to meet my little brother and his family for a little get together.
We met at my Dad's house where my nephew, Axel, (aged 4), promptly went to my stepmother's closet and put on her high heels. I admired his grace and skill as he maneuvered through the back yard avoiding every dog land mine while chucking rocks into my dad's pond. Sofi, my niece, was playing with her Star Wars figures and dragging around the bright pink feather boa that my wife gave to her; the force is strong with her. I have no doubt that this boa will be in Axel's inventory soon.
Dad was very excited about taking us all out to his favorite Sushi/Japanese steak house restaurant where we would all enjoy Amarillo's fine assortment of raw fish morsels and Japanese delights.
We arrived and began to look for a parking space in the nearly full parking lot. My brother Bryan was driving my dad's SUV along with Cat, his wife, the kiddos and me. We eyeballed a spot and as we were about to round the corner of one of the rows and pull in, we came bumper to bumper with an Um-pa loom-pa driving an Aston Martin DB10; top down of course. This guy was straight from the Jersey Shore cast complete with slicked jet black hair, tight fitting Banana Republic pen striped shirt, and giant gold watch. He gave us the "I will let the lower income bracket proceed" head nod, and sped off past us to find a perch for his chariot to be admired by all. Once inside, we were greeted by a Japanese women who told us, "You wait in bar, 30-45minutes OK."
I guess that was going to be the end of the Japanese experience, because once inside the walls of the forbidden restaurant, we were handed off to what I can only described as the bull-dike floor manager. She was a large human complete with head set, tight fitting blue button down (tucked in), and tighter black flammable pants. We moved to the bar,where I could see my Dad and stepmother on the other side of "checkpoint charlie" and the bull put her hand up gesturing left and right shouting, "Keep this area clear for traffic!" as she bulldozed her way through the crowd with her arms full of menus.
We waited, for what seemed like hours. The bull was barking orders in her head set, which was odd because she was the only one with a head set. The Um-pa loom-pa was entertaining the Jersey shore near by and Axel was doing a rendition of a Greek plate smashing ritual by knocking Saki glasses off the bar and onto the floor. It was perfect. I thought the bull was going to pop an artery.
We were finally going to be seated and they led us to a table with the giant grill where you could watch your food being tossed around etc. Well, for some reason or another, this set off the head parental unit, Dad. He had asked for a plain table. I guess you could say he lost his shit. I believe the next words from him were, "Fuck it, we can go to McDonald's for all I care." Bryan just looked at me and said, "Here we go." I knew exactly what he meant and went into damage control mode. I got us out of there quickly, but not before Dad would burn his bridge with the owner's wife. I am not sure what he said to her, but she had a "Remember Pearl Harbor mother fucker" look on her face as we exited the front door.
Cat quickly directed us to the BBQ joint next door. Once we all got inside and the Maitre d' saw what she had in store, they put us in the hoosegow room complete with jail bars and a jail house door.
I was worn out and we enjoyed our food and went our separate ways to get some sleep for the night. I stayed with Dad and Kelly (step mother) and Bryan and his fam met my mother, who came in late, at a hotel for the night.
The next morning, we met Bryan downstairs at his hotel to eat breakfast and visit. This place was packed with people on their way to go skiing. We were getting breakfast from a buffet line and I guess Bry had unintentionally cut in front of a hungry patron. This guy actually had the same shirt on that the Um-pa loom-pa had on from the previous night. He tells Bryan, "Are you really in that big of a hurry?" Bry tells the guy that he was sorry and he was trying to get some food for his kids and that he didn't mean to ruin his Spring Break. The man had a funny, deer in the headlights look for a moment then stormed off, looking back occasionally in disbelief that he had just been smacked around by a pro. He made a few more passes by our table and you could see him trying hard to conjure up a comeback, but he had been whooped.
The rest of the trip was pretty nondescript. We saw my incredibly shrinking 98 year old grandmother and I froze my rear off while riding my motorcycle back to Lubbock.
